Once upon a time there was a little website called Shirley, who lived at www.shirley.com in World Wide Web Land. She was a brave little girl with a good heart and well intended page content, but she just couldn't seem to ever be noticed by the rather froggish Prince Google. Now our Shirley was all about the money, and Prince Google had lots, but no matter how much she waved her hands and wrote insightful and interesting original content Prince Google was simply oblivious to her very ample charms.
It didn't get any better for Shirley either, and not just because she didn't have a brand name tailored to targeted keywords. One night she was having a little nap/site restructure and a vampire came to bite her. The vampire made sure her site navigation and HTML and squishy bits didn't work properly, which meant Prince Google's spies, who were looking around for a good wife for him, didn't even notice anything beyond the front of the little house at www.shirley.com. They would wander past but take the wrong streets to have a glimpse in the window at the brilliant site content that Shirley could show off at the touch of a button.
And so it was for some weeks, the vampire would keep biting Shirley every night and this meant she was lost in a dream world, oblivious to her own internal issues.
Fortunately for Shirley, there was a saviour at hand. She sat in bed one night and wished from her very heart for help, and having asked Jeeves her butler for help, she came across an amazing magic octopus - the SEO Page Analyser from the distant land called Orchid Boxland.
The SEO page analyser octopus was not fussy or demanding, he did not give Shirley any limits to what she could analyse or how much either. She could just shout her details into the analyser and the octopus' many tentacles brought about a complex diagnosis of her problems.
Suddenly it all became crystal clear. She asked the SEO page analyser to vanish away the vampires and help her restructure her insides, and after a day she was in tip top shape and shining in the sun. Suddenly, the spies of Prince Google started to notice the great looks and original content that Shirley had, and they passed the information on to the Prince. The Prince was very impressed by their findings, and put her at the top of his list for the keyword "wives". When he had analysed all the other potential wives for site content and structure around the kingdom of World Wide Web Land, he chose Shirley to be no.1. As a result, Shirley had thousands of marriage proposals from random people around the world who had been notified by this list, but she only had eyes for Prince Google.
Finally, Prince Google asked Shirley to marry him, and she said,
"Nah, I've only got eyes for that Orchid Box SEO Page Analyser. See ya!"
And so little Shirley ran off with the legendary SEO Page Analyser, and they lived happily ever after. What of Prince Google? Well he just kept compiling his lists for the rest of his days, always the bridesmaid, never the bride.